Celebrating Easter in the Wake of a Pandemic

I haven't blogged in a rather long time (sorry!), because I've been taking care of life; but today, I feel the need to speak out about feelings. First, I want to say, it's ok to express your feelings. And it's perfectly alright to be sad, anxious or depressed, at this point in time. The entire world is sick; and we're all dealing with a lot, right now.

But I didn't need to be shamed, for how I feel; and that happened, this morning. A Facebook page I'm a fan of asked how we were all dealing with the Easter holiday; and I answered them. Someone thought it was their duty to scold me for not being thankful that I have someone to spend the holiday with, even though my son can't be with me.

I am thankful to have my daughter and grandchildren around; but I'm dying of a terminal illness, so having my son near me, as well, is a blessing! Not counting the holidays we lived through, in separate states; this is the first holiday I've had to endure, without my son by my side. Because of our Shelter in Place order, thanks to COVID-19, he can't spend the day with us. Spending 30 minutes this morning, FaceTiming with him, was nice; my grandchildren showed him what they got from the Easter Bunny, and we caught up with each other. But it's not the same; I want him here!

He's not having an easy time of it, either. I'm an introvert, by nature, as is he; so, we both enjoy lots of seclusion and alone time. However, being told we can't go anywhere, or that we're not allowed to have others over, is a vastly different experience than choosing to be alone.

I've also been dealing with elevated anxiety and depression, since January; this virus is killing folks like me. January is when COVID-19 was first discovered to have made it to the United States. I was able to keep it together, for the most part, until I was told it made it to Ohio, where I live. Since then, my daughter has had to talk me through some pretty massive panic attacks. In the last 8 years, I have survived numerous strains of the flu, pneumonia (twice); and cancer, that should've killed me, by now. But this new virus has me terrified!! I just turned 50, back in February; I am not ready to die!

Every time my daughter leaves the house to go anywhere, I'm worried that she'll come in contact with someone who has it; asymptomatic people can still spread it, even though they don't feel sick. She only leaves when she absolutely needs to; but that doesn't stop me from worrying. Everyone in my house has weak immune systems...we'd all be in danger, if any of us got infected! 

The last time I saw my Therapist, in her office, I spent the entire time crying about how this rapidly spreading virus was causing me so much emotional stress; she was great about it, too. By the end of our session, she encouraged me to stay inside, and wash my hands 1,000 times a day; she told me, if I could distract myself, I should do it (movies, TV, music, etc). To honor the Shelter in Place order, we'll be conducting future sessions over the phone.

Strictly speaking from my anxiety, please allow me this friendly PSA - please practice social distancing; and honor the Shelter in Place orders, if your state has one! I've done my best to avoid news reports of all the folks who are dying, because it doesn't help my depression; but please STAY HOME, unless you absolutely have to go out!! I get the whole "cabin fever" thing; it sucks, out loud! But, if you're a carrier and don't know it, you could infect someone like me; people with compromised immune systems are the ones who are dying! Let's flatten the curve, and help each other triumph over this pandemic!

If you're celebrating Easter, I wish you a blessed and joyful day!

Shalom to those of you who are celebrating Passover!



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