The Holidays are Coming: My Anxiety is Big

Do any of you know an alcoholic, or a drug addict? If you do, then you understand how difficult it is for them to abstain from the substance they're addicted to; or, you should understand that. Addiction is a powerful disease, that nobody ever realizes they have, until they're deep in it. Sure, they "try" the alcohol, or the drugs; but in just trying it, they're not aware that they're eventually going to get hooked on it. That may not even become a reality for them, once they are hooked.

I am a junk food junkie; addicted to fast food, and junk food, the way an alcoholic/drug addict is addicted to booze and/or drugs. I can't just have one (fill in the blank), or a taste, or "just a little bit". The cravings get bigger, the more I try to control the amount of junk food I eat. It's best for me to abstain from eating fast food, or junk food; and living in a world that makes bad eating habits sexy or hip, is not an easy thing for me to do! I can abstain from drugs and alcohol, just fine. But cake, pizza, soda, chips, cookies, candy, etc....I "need" them, to feel normal.

Any of you who have been following me, since the beginning, have also seen me fall off the wagon a few times. I'm concerned about falling, again. The holiday season is coming, soon; Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are all big on sweets and treats. The holidays are supposed to be joyful and pleasant; mine are becoming consistent reminders that I am weak. Knowing that time of year is on the horizon, is giving me anxiety. Being the emotional eater that I am, it's hard to resist the urge to fall back into old habits, and stuff my feelings back down.


I don't feel much like a "Savvy Survivor" when I slip back into old habits; and I've, unfortunately, done that frequently, the last seven years. I even wrote a blog, a few years ago, talking about how it feels to realize I've put myself in this situation. You can read that, here. Earlier this year, I wrote another blog about going cold turkey when it comes to breaking unhealthy eating habits; I confess, I've slipped a couple times, since that one. I'm not binging, but I did have "just a little bit".

I guess I can count that as a small victory...the "little bit" didn't become a grub-fest, this time! Yay me!! However, God is trusting me to take care of myself, and I keep letting Him down. This realization does nothing for my depression...except, make it worse. But, I'm not going to give up on myself; and I ask you to not give up on me, either. It's a bit easier to eat better now, than it was a few years ago; but I still have a long way to go.

I also want to extend a HUGE "Thank You!" to those of you who are helping me keep myself accountable! It is with your help, that I've only slipped a couple times since the "Cold Turkey" blog, and not fallen completely off the wagon! I appreciate you, so much!!

My daughter went to the Dollar Tree, this afternoon; before she left, she asked me if I needed anything from there. All I could think of for her to get me, was junk food. That's not a need...that's a want! I couldn't think of anything I needed. She came home with a bunch of things, but no junk food. I resisted temptation, and she helped me stay straight! I'm good!

Thanks for reading this! Have a good night!




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